Olympic fever has descended upon the planet. And while of course I love to watch swimming (but now their futuristic aero/waterodynamic shark suits cover up their hot swimmer bodies, what’s with that?), running and many other Olympic events, here’s a few they don’t have that I’d like it if they did.
1. Making shapes with your body. People would turn their bodies into amazing shapes, like hand puppets meets the song ‘YMCA,’ but so many times better.
2. Carving animals out of food, but timed. Whoever can make a cat out of a watermelon fastest and best wins. (But you don’t know what the challenge will be–“cat,” say–until the event takes place.)
3. Something with mermaids. It would be like rhythmic gymnastics meets aquatic-themed casino meets little girls’ wallpaper. More on this later, after I brainstorm.
4. Swimming across a large and scary body of water. It would take at least 24 hours.
5. Burrowing. Whoever could burrow into the ground completely in the least amount of time wins. Scary, too, because you wouldn’t be able to breathe well, assuming you went in headfirst.
6. People compete in every single summer Olympic event, and whoever has the best cumulative score at the end wins. Some variation on the ultimate triathlon.
7. Fittest person. This would be more of a pageant competition.
8. Surfing. Is there surfing in the Olympics?
9. I think the thing about mermaids (no. 3) would be synchronized swimming, but underwater and in elaborate costumes. A pool with glass sides that you can watch through.
10. Riding dolphins. Like equestrian, but in the water.
Feel free to add your own suggestions below.