Animal of the Day: Oncorhynchus rastrosus

by |
08/18/2008 10:00 AM |

Or, the Sabertooth Salmon.

Vital Statistics:

Lived: Late Miocene to Pleistocene.

Habitat: Off of what is now California.

Size: 9 feet in length.

Fangs: Yes.

Eats: Whatever It Wants, It’s a 9-foot Fish with Fangs.

Scary: Yes.

No I Mean Like Scary Scary: I Said Yes Didn’t I?

Extinct: Yes.

Really: Yes.

But There Are Salmon Now: Yes.

Fangs: No.

But If They Grew Fangs Through Like Some Mutation From Genetically Engineered Feed: I See Where You’re Going With This.

And Maybe One Grew To An Unnatural Size: Yes.

And Then Another One Did and Those Two Spawned: Yes.

And Then a Mutant Master Race of Sabertooth Salmon: Yes.

Likely: No Not Really.

Possible: I Guess.

Possible: No… no.

Possible: I Guess.

6 Comment

  • “Salmon” the motion picture- first scene, griz standing in the rapids waiting for the little fishie, blam big surprise gets a face full of fangs from that 9 foot monster! credits roll as river turns blood red. then cut to some dudes in a pick-up truck on a fishing weekend, “Boy Named Sue” playing on the radio. smart park ranger comes on the scene of dead gris, “have you ever seen anything like it, Doc?” “Jack, this looks to me like some kind of salmon fish scale, but much bigger, the salmon this came off of would be at least 9 foot long!” cue creepy music…

  • What an eccentric, cruel past our planet has.

  • past?! past?! wait till you see the future!

    btw- if you go to the beach I def recommend not forgetting to put the sun block on top of your feet and shins…

  • may all god’s creatures grow very very large and start eating us back. the end. yay! good riddance to bad rubbish.

  • dkbckisxxcdbbltjgaqfonlpuwaplg

  • We’re all witnesses that commenter #1 came up with this before SyFy did.