Friday Addendum To Thursday’s List: Awful Vodkas You Have Drank. Or Drunk.

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08/22/2008 11:00 AM |

By something vaguely resembling popular demand following yesterday’s list of awful vodkas I have drank, here are more cheap, awful vodkas you credited with all the fun and hilarious black spots in your memories of college, and the scorch marks still scarring your esophaguses (esophagi?). Testimonials are more than welcome in the comments, for serious.

Popov

Many, many people requested that I pay tribute to Popov. For whatever reason, this is not really one that I encountered in college, for which I have no one but myself to blame.

Says the repository of all human knowlege: “It is a popular drink amongst college students throughout the United States, due to its low price and high alcohol content.” I have a theory that most wikipedia entries reveal more about their author(s) than their subjects. Just sayin’.

Kamchatka

This vodka is named after a key territory in Risk. It connects Asia with North America! No wonder it was Ohio’s most popular alcohol in 2001.

Dubra

“I heard that clear liquers like dubra and vodka arent that bad for u, its mostly the wine coolers and beer that are filled wit carlories and sugars and such.” Is this so? The thrilling response to this question, at Wanna Be Big Bodybuilding and Weightlighting Forums’ Alcohol Question (Dubra) thread.

Poland Spring

Most awful vodkas have names that are meant to evoke Eastern Europe, even though they are all from the tri-state area. Poland Spring even has “Poland” in its name, though it definitely does not come from Poland. It also shares its name with a bottled water company known for purity and refreshment, even though it is in fact made from jet fuel.

Orloff

“Easily the finest vodka brewed in Lewiston, Maine”, one of you said. Have any of you ever been to Lewiston, incidentally? It’s a depressed mill town, a little bit of central Pennsylvania all our own. It is a sad, bad place, pretty much the geographic equivalent to drinking flammable, throat-burning vodka out of a plastic bottle.

Zelko

I’m half Polish and sometimes I have to do vodka shots with my dad at Passover. I’m pretty sure that was actual Polish or at least Ukrainian stuff last time, but Majestic Distilling, of Landsdowne Maryland and The Internet Circa 1997, does make several promising-sounding vodkas (Classic Club sounds… classy! Like Country Club malt liquor!). They also make a vodka called “Black Watch“, the label of which does not do nearly enough to evoke the Siege of Leningrad. But, really, what does.

3 Comment

  • Boomerang Vodka. I swear it says, “It always comes back!” right on the bottle!

    p.s. Maybe next Friday you can do a list of obscure cheap bourbon labels like Philadelphia: The Heritage Whiskey.

  • mr. boston’s (aka, mr. bottoms).

    *shudder*

    good for: rust removal; starting fires; rapid and inexpensive inebriation.

    baaad, baaad stuff.

  • Yes, why stop there, maybe a new feature? “Happy Hour Chronicles” or something? Or “my big beer bottle collection”?

    speaking of Passover and vodka and Poland, though- Back in the day (mid 90s?) my dad’s friend was visiting from old country and brought us Kosher vodka. It was the biggest bottle of vodka I have ever seen. I’d estimate it at maybe 3 or 4 liters? We kept this empty for many years for its esthetic beauty. Unfortunately it was discarded in a move, or I’d post a pic… Don’t remember the brand, possibly Nisskosher, or some other local distillery…

    But yeah, coming back from Poland I always pick up 4 or more bottles of expensive stuff. Or you can get Spiritus, which is pure alcohol, 200 proof. Probably not legal to bring it on a plane but who’s checking? Bring an extra suitcase…

    some of the things I just wrote, just kidding, obviously safety first…