Thursday List: Awful Vodkas I Have Drank

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08/21/2008 2:21 PM |

Every Thursday, Edith used to present a list of the best of something she happened across on the internet. Because I miss her even more than you do, I have attempted to continue this tradition. Last week we listed Literary Sex Scenes Taking Place in Libraries; this week, we talk about plastic bottles for under $10, and the fond memories we have of being the only person at the party to drink them.

5. Skyy

Oops, what a bad way to start this list. Skyy is bland sub-Stoli crap trying to attract people with its sexy nightclub-blue bottle, and distract us all from the fact that it’s only use is to for sorority girls to mix it with enough Tropicana Orange Pineapple Banana juice to drown out the taste.

4. Crown Russe (I believe that’s Russian for “Russian Crown”? Wait.)

The “Finest Vodka Made”, it says right on the label. Maybe “the finest vodka made in Frankfurt, Kentucky.” Maybe “the vodka averaging the longest time spent languishing in freezers after being bought and barely cracked open at the party.” You’ve never seen so much frost collect on a plastic bottle, it looks like year-old vanilla ice cream by the time you finish it, or more likely throw it out.

3. Majorska

Minor spoiler alert is that Majorska is a product of Star Industries of Syosset, New York, as is our #1 vodka.

2. Crystal Palace

Don’t be put off by the fact that Crystal Palace is the label of choice
for vagrants drinking vodka straight, out of a paper bag. What better
indicator of potency and quality relative to price?

1. Georgi

When I was in college, I started a facebook group called “My Vodka Has
a First Name, and It’s G-E-O-R-G-I.” God, what an awful vodka.

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