Google Image This: Ben S. Bernanke

by |
09/25/2008 9:46 AM |

Ben S. Bernanke is the man who wants to take our public monies away. As he put it in “blunt terms” yesterday, if Congress takes too long with their “erhm, oh, well, wait, but?” and their silly questions, Terrible Things Will Happen. Like a recession, joblessness, home foreclosures, and vampires who will vigorously suck our blood through straws on the street. (Because it’s been such a cakewalk so far!) Anyway, I’ve been reading all about Big Ben, and it’s all just so fucking fucked I’ve regressed into giggly Google image searches — both illustrative and photographic! Here’s what the Internet bleched up and blew in my face.

He is JESUS. Look closely? See the dude flinging cash on the Biblical peeps from the sky? Thattaguy! Because everyone who is anyone in front page news these days MUST have been depicted as CHRIST at SOME POINT. Hurrah. Way to establish proper pecking order.

His head may be nearly as large as the cartoon helicopter hauling him around, but Ben is still showering mega-dollars on us all. So light. Airy. Easy, breezy, beautiful, Mr. Fed. Except now he totally wants us to return it to him, all “I never said no backsies!” style, which, really, is so lame, and makes me tired of arguing.

Will the real Ben please stand up? Oh, shit. There he is. His eyes are a little bit crazy, and his mouth is, like, “What? What’s so WRONG with my demand that you all pony up to save finance douches and screw everyone else?! It is a PLAN and it will WORK so just LISTEN to me and my SANTA BEARD.” I would trust Tom Cruise with my 401K before this dude. At least the Scientologists know how to invest properly!