Sex Advice from a Goose: The Awkward Schoolgirl

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10/27/2008 9:00 AM |

Welcome to our weekly feature in which I, Gary, The L’s wooden goose, shall answer the questions asked of Audrey Ference, The Natural Redhead, in the current issue of the L.

Dear Audrey Gary,
I am a single mom with a young daughter. My boyfriend always wants me to dress up like a schoolgirl. Should I be worried? How do I tell him how creepy this is?

Just imagine how awkward things will get once your daughter becomes an elementary school teacher who volunteers as a nurse on weekends and works as a maid for a little extra cash during the summer.

Dear Audrey Gary,
My friend is a party promoter and throws these great costume parties
based on hilarious sex acts. He’s gone through all the usual ones:
Dirty Sanchez, Hot Lunch, Donkey Punch, Superman, etc. Can you
recommend some new party themes?

Well, Audrey did a pretty good job of raiding urbandictionary for her
answer to this question, as well as perhaps making some up — I don’t
know what the Tyler Perry Presents the Cincinnati Bowtie is, but I
can’t wait to try it out on some lucky lady goose, and soon.

To her list I would add the White Dragon, the Flying Ham Sandwich, the Flaming Pele, and, of course, the Rodeo.