Snapshot: The Lizard Demon Is Hiding

by |
10/21/2008 4:30 PM |
Today, John McCain and his wife Cindy, at a rally in Bensalem, PA.

It’s almost as if… he’s trying so, so hard to relax his face, and be calm, cool, collected, and dignified, like Joe the Plumber after a few sixpacks. But then it’s like someone just gave him a Botox injection for every year he’s been alive in his chin. Also, you can really see the tension in his THUMBS, can you not? (Terrifying.) Notice how his left hand looks like a claw, which is scaring me and making me go to the Dark Place.

I don’t know what’s worse: the gaping void of unspeakable nothingness lurking in the space between his teeth? The raging arch of Cindy’s brows? Her smile, which is basically a Victoria Beckham/Posh Spice grimace — not so much a natural, easy grin as it is a piece of wood that’s been cut to RESEMBLE a smiling mouth? No, actually, it’s the bags under McCain’s eyes. They remind me of thin, weak pillows you give to unwelcome houseguests forced upon you, who you cannot help but hope sleep the sleep of the unjust and unwelcome. I cannot stop STARING at his EYES. Am I going to turn into a snake? Why is this on the Times‘ HOMEPAGE? Is it November 4th yet?