Books Are the Perfect Holiday Gift: Oh Good Christ Please Buy Them

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11/11/2008 5:30 PM |

It wasn’t the first, and it certainly won’t be the last! A hysterical BUY PEOPLE BOOKS FOR THE HOLIDAY or the publishing industry will die screaming the girlish screams of a thousand paper cuts article ran in today’s Times. In his payoff ending, Mokoto Rich allows one of her literary agent inside source men to basically break down the fourth wall or whatever and speak directly to our info-addled brains. The guy is smart, the way he slickly begs:

"I think that people have not been reading for the past year because
they’ve been checking political blogs every 20 minutes," said Larry
Weissman, a literary agent. "At some point I think people are going to
say, ‘You know what, this is not nourishing.’ I think and I hope — and
maybe it’s just blind hope — I think there is a yearning for
authenticity out there, and people are going to go back to the things
that really matter, and one of those things, I hope, will be reading
books."

It’s like he’s taking our happy Presidential-relaxation glow and
pocketing it, then chastising us for enjoying Wonkette and Nate Silver
so much yet never bothering to finish The Sound and the Fury… and why don’t you go buy it right now, an expensive collector’s addition, and Proust’s entire catalogue too, oh and Trinity,
again, because the used hardcover is silently shaming you from your
bookshelf and maybe a softcover would be easier to tote around? These
are the things that matter. Harold Bloom’s judgments. And then you will need some more Twilight books and the Gossip Girl
novels you skipped for light reading in between, plus perhaps some more
Alice Munro, too, you junkie, and get some fracking art tomes while
you’re at it, you need to see beauty that isn’t pixelated on one of
those BLOG THINGS, eww so ugly.

The guilt is a kidney stone in my Internet bookmarks. But hah, I will
go to the library. My Borders Reward Card is still too expensive. Who
wins NOW?

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