Everyone’s An Author: ‘Roids, Rage and Redemption!

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01/05/2009 6:00 PM |

Laura Bush who? Moving on! In real life, he’s Dan Clark, but on American Gladiators, he was Nitro. And, yes, steroids gave him a pair of man-boobs. The Post reports, in a pull-quote to end all pull-quotes:

“Bitch t- -s, man boobs, breast-chesticles is what they’re called on
the street. Gynecomastia is the scientific name. No matter what you
call it, I [had] it,” Clark, who was “Nitro” on the smash reality
series, reveals in his memoir, “Gladiator: A True Story of ‘Roids, Rage
and Redemption,” out next month. “I hate[d] taking off my shirt. For
photo shoots, [I’d] wet my nipple with spit . . . [to] look firm
instead of hanging down.”

Also revealed: Nitro’s balls shriveled up, sex caused a “dull throbbing pain” in his bathing-suit area, and he eventually underwent reduction surgery for his “budding breasts.”

It’s so much more detailed, already, than that steroid-dedicated hour of True Life, which actually taught us a lot. Yo, that whole nipple-spitting incident better not be a lie. Don’t toy with our emotions like that, Nitro, or we’ll be really pissed! Simon and Schuster, kindly fact-check.

Steroids Made Sex Life Hell” [NYP]