So, taking to heart our new president’s call for responsibility, I’m going to blog about the inauguration.

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01/20/2009 2:39 PM |

Had I done a liveblog, these things would likely have been in it:

10something a.m.: Cheney is cripple, having run out of the purifying life-extending blood of virgins.

11something a.m.: I think I speak for all of us here at The L Magazine when I say: Dr. Jill Biden. Yowza.

Bidengetsswornin o’clock: John Paul Stevens! I’m so happy you lived to not be replaced on the Supreme Court by a Bush appointment, who would probably screw up the Oath of Office, like noted smug racist John Roberts. (Ok that technically came later, this is not a very live liveblog.)

Afterthat a.m.: I have faith that Aretha Franklin’s hat will solve all our nation’s problems.

Christianoutreach a.m. and also p.m. as I am not really adhering to the running diary format: Rick Warren wrote a whole book? Lots of quotations in that book, I am guessing. Although I hope you stuck around for the benediction (after the poem) (nice try, poet, incidentally), from the ancient, tired-looking, spunky Joseph Lowery, who makes Rick Warren look like even more like a real estate agent than he already does, got the crowd going in some rolling “amens” at the end, and even worked in some wealth-redistribution stuff.

12something p.m.: Wait, Obama’s black?

12something p.m.: Ok, the speech. He was playing to a lot of constituencies, it seemed. No obvious taglines, but at least a certain rhetorical rhythm. (And awesome work by CNN cutting to Bush during the civil liberties bit.) Man, all this talk about ancestors who toiled in factories and died for us in Vietnam. If I’m understanding our new president correctly, we’re basically a nation of ungrateful layabouts, eating Lays on George Washington’s couch in the same sweatpants we’ve been wearing for a week. This seems pretty incontrovertible. Sorry you inherited such a doofy country, Barry.

Anyway. Happy new frontier, everyone.