Sex Advice from a Goose: From Soft to Hardcore

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04/06/2009 9:00 AM |

Welcome to our biweekly feature in which I, Gary, The L’s wooden goose, shall answer the questions asked of Audrey Ference, The Natural Redhead, in the current issue of the L.

Dear Audrey Gary,
My friend claims her boyfriend (who has problems with erectile dysfunction) came even though he was soft. This goes against everything I understand about how penises work. Can that happen? Or did he just pee in her or something?

Well, it’s possible, so it appears that there are limits to what you understand about how penises work. To rectify (heh) this and perhaps other gaps in your knowledge of how penises work, I recommend going to your local library and seeing if they have a copy of How Penises Work, by Dr. Richmond Fallis (if they don’t have it your librarian may be able to arrange for an inter-library loan).

Dear Audrey Gary,
I have a friend who is always telling me all these crazy sex stories, like hooking up with totally inappropriate people or having unprotected sex with strangers while drunk and weeping or any number of nutty things. On the one hand, she is someone who is prone to exaggerating things and likes to see herself as an unfettered wild child; on the other hand, she does make bad decisions a lot, and can be kind of unbalanced. At what point is it my responsibility to say something to her?

Well, your “friend” should know that having unprotected sex with strangers is dangerous, and that if “she” is going to continue to get drunk and behave impulsively then “she” should take precautions beforehand, like being on the pill and having condoms handy at all times. But ultimately it sounds like “she” should probably use a sustained period of reflection.