At the beginning of last night’s American Idol results show, Ryan Seacrest noted that of the 88 million votes that came in after Tuesday night’s performances, only about one million separated the top two contestants. It came as a surprise, though, since most everyone assumed the top spot was a lock to go to Adam, and that Kris and Danny would have to fight it out for the second spot. But if Seacrest is to be believed, it turns out next week’s finals could be a lot closer going in than anyone would have guessed. And it might not have come down to who you thought it would.
But first things first: Jordin Sparks performed, and she was actually a good deal worse than I even thought she’d be. She can sing, of course, which is why she fared so well on Idol, but she is just so wickedly not cool it is unbelievable. The way she moves, the ridiculous, put-on look of desperation as she wondered why love always feels like a battlefield. It’s like she’s looking for an Oscar, and it’s impossible to watch. As is Katy Perry, who was there to perform her newest single, “Waking Up in Vegas,” and who I almost admire for her willingness to stand on stage at a singing competition when she is so, so obviously bad at singing. I guess anything is possible, though, with enough cleavage and a super tasteless Elvis costume. Are people still trying to convince us that Katy Perry’s making some really high-minded joke? I wish they’d stop that.
Moving on… the show’s producer’s kinda botched things last night, I thought, with the order in which they revealed the finalists. The first contestant to move on was, to my surprise, and I assume to the surprise of a lot of other people, Kris Allen. He seemed genuinely shocked, and I was happy for him—what he did with “Heartless” the night before earned him that spot without question.
What that did, though, was take pretty much all the suspense out of the remainder of the night, since it was down to Danny and Adam, and really everyone knew Adam was going through no matter what. And he did. So finally, I get to stop watching Danny Gokey, whom I now don’t even want to say anything bad about because he did seem uncharacteristically genuinely gracious, and I immediately felt terrible when they started focusing on his wife again, because I didn’t realize it’d only been ten months since she died, and I seriously do not have the teeth to maintain bitchiness in the face of that. Adam, of course, did not seem terribly surprised to be moving on.
So, one more week, folks. Adam vs. Kris. And again, if Seacrest is telling the truth, they were only separated by a million votes last night, and it’s completely possible that Kris actually came out on top. I know full well that Adam is the better singer, but I also know full well that, all jokes aside, he is far better cut out for Broadway than he is for rock and roll, no matter how many sparkly Ride the Lightning t-shirts he wears. In the back of my mind, though, it’s almost difficult to root against him, for the simple reason that, if he does lose, I don’t think it’ll be because the rest of America shares my opinion that his studied theater-kid looks and poses are cheesy and outdated. Or because they think what he did to “One” was an absolute crime. I worry that it’ll be because of those photos, and so I’m sorta not looking forward to any of the possible outcomes here.