I just finished watching last night’s episode of Gossip Girl, which featured a strange and haphazardly conceived flashback plot that’s supposed to be serving as a teaser for Lily, a spinoff about Serena’s mom, Lily van der Woodsen, as a teenager in the 80s. The show may or may not even be happening, but if last night was any indication of what it might be like, it probably shouldn’t.
There’s not much to say about the present-day parts of the episode, but next week’s season finale is set up nicely, now that a certain awesome storyline involving Chuck and Blair appears to be back in full-swing. So, after the jump, a few thoughts regarding the mostly disastrous flashback sequences.
— How much money do we think Ray Ban paid to be featured so heavily in that first scene? Just about every other person at the restaurant, including young Lily, was wearing a pair of Wayfarers. I know they were popular and all, but come on.
— Andrew McCarthy is mad old and mad wrinkly, which is totally sad. But for a second, I didn’t realize he was supposed to be Lily’s father because Brittany Snow looks a whole lot older than she’s pretending to be (17) and a whole lot older than she really is (23), too. In fact, every time she appeared on the screen, I was struck by how much she looks like Edie Falco as Carmela Soprano. Seriously, click here, then here.
— Remember how at the very beginning of the show, it said “1983” on the screen? Yeah, that was really convenient in that it let me know what year it was supposed to be. It also made it so that the references to fanny packs and MTV as waves of the future were unnecessary. And let’s not even talk about the Rubix Cube, which was casually tossed around the backseat of a car and then even got a close-up in case you missed it the first time. Ugh.
— When explaining to that Johnny Depp-looking dude why she could never be a prostitute, Lily says she’s not down with giving blow jobs. This is either absolutely not true at all, or the truest thing ever spoken. I honestly can’t make up my mind.
— In that same scene, right behind Johnny Depp guy, there’s a refrigerator, and in the lower left hand corner of it, I’m 99% sure there’s a Yelp sticker. I’m also 99% sure Yelp didn’t exist in 1983.
— After Johnny Depp walks in on her getting dressed, and she asks him if he’s falling in love with her, Lily bites her lower lip just like Serena always does. A nice touch, admittedly.
— When dude says “It’s kinda cool, right?” about the club they’re in, Lily says “Yeah, it’s a cool place to catch hepatitis.” Sure, it’d be nothing more than a throwaway line for Blair, but it was better than every other line young Lily was given.
— This strange “Shep” character looks like he’s 40. And he looked like an asshole when he was skanking.
— This show will never be enjoyable if every time a male character appears, we think, “Oh, is that Rufus?”
— “Just ’cause this dork’s uncle is John Landis doesn’t mean he’s above the law” was the only reference in the flashback that was subtle enough that one might believe the show has anything to do with Gossip Girl.
— Why were there two lines about butt tattoos? Were butt tattoos really big in 1983?
— Gossip Girl herself summed up the evening quite nicely with her closing remarks when she said, “All we can do is apologize and let the past be the past.” Let’s hope the network takes her advice.