It’s Official: America Hates Gay People

05/21/2009 10:42 AM |

9690/1242916774-kris-allen.jpgSo there it is, folks. After five months of dutiful Idol-watching, America has spoken loud and clear, and it has said, “We would really prefer it if our male pop stars would refrain from wearing makeup and also from having sex with dudes.” Kris came out of nowhere to be crowned the winner last night, and as fond as I am of him, and as much as I found Adam’s performances to be laughably over-the-top and just generally not at all cool, like something out of a Broadway musical, the outcome is sorta depressing. It’s a tough thing to talk about without seeming like a hypocrite or a closeted homophobe, so I’ll just go for blunt condescension instead: I don’t believe the rest of the country had the same problems with Adam that I did, because America and I rarely agree on what makes pop stars cool or tasteful. If we did, then Celine Dion would be poor and singing at dingy bars in Montreal. I can only assume they were freaked out by how he looked, and it makes me sad.

Either that, or maybe it’s really just that this show is watched not by professional music critics but by 12-year-old girls and their mothers who want to kiss/sleep with Kris Allen and really, really like “The Remedy (I Won’t Worry).”

But, whatever. It’s over now, and both Kris and Adam will go on to release fairly high-profile records. Kris’ will sound like Jason Mraz, unfortunately, unless someone lets him know how much less prone he is to cliche when he ditches the guitar and sits behind the piano. And Adam’s will probably sound like Kiss on Broadway, unless someone tells him he’s better at singing ballads. Oh well, see you next year, America.

One Comment

  • so last night I watched “Let’s Rock” and in one scene the lead(Sinatra style crooner) tells his manager(who wants him to do R’n’R) something like “I just don’t have the feel for it. You can fool yourself, but you can’t fool the kids!” Then I watched American Idol…haha

    and btw- I hate Kiss, Rod Stewart was shocking in his old age, and Steve Martin segment was the best part of the show…