Remember last Thanksgiving when tons of army dudes buzzed all over Penn Station? I don’t either, but apparently it was because a Patchogue man, now known as Bashir al Ameriki (Bashir the American), very politely attempted to give subway directions to Al Qaeda, suggesting the quickest way to get from Carroll Gardens to Chelsea (good luck with that). Ok, srsly, authorities claim that Bryant Neal Vinas, 26, gave “information of potentially great value” to high-level terrorist operational leaders in Pakistan, where he was hanging out cold bombin’ Americans.
What kind of info could some disgruntled, shut-in Long Island dude give away about the subway? Sometimes it smells? Watch out for breakdancing teens? IF YOU RIDE IT ENOUGH SOMEONE WILL GROPE YOU. Also, please refer to me as “Jonny the Canadian” from here on in.