Man Writes 1,500 Words on Search for Sippy Cup, I Become Sad

07/21/2009 12:44 PM |

3588/1248190716-evil_simpsons_baby.jpg I know that people have babies. I know that these babies mean everything to them. That’s why there are a billion websites devoted to babies and baby products and stressing parents out about how poorly they’re doing in early childhood development (which, seriously, relax people, just give the thing a cardboard box and have a cigarette already). I also know that lots of smart, young parent types enjoy a click through Slate in the morning, as they dandle the little bundle and sip tea in their home offices.

BUT SERIOUSLY, CHIP BRANTLEY, YOU ARE TESTING MY LIMITS (and even more seriously, Slate editor types, wtf, first Nathaniel Rich’s soft piece and now this?). The world does not need a 1,500-word consumer report on sippy cups on a general interest website. I also confess that the lede made me feel funny: “Ever since our 2-year-old son, Angus, stopped breast-feeding, my wife and I have served him milk in sippy cups.” The juxtaposition of “Angus” and “breast-feeding” made me want to get a rabbi in here to de-traif my computer.

UPDATE: Ok, I admit it, I didn’t read every single letter of this consumer report, so thanks to Music Editor Mike Conklin for pointing out the following line: “The largest cup of the bunch, the Grip-n-Gulp has the same indie/crunchy vibe as Nalgene’s ubiquitous wide-mouth adult bottles.” Really Chip Brantley? Indie? There is an indie sippy cup? FUCK THIS. FUCK EVERYTHING. [Leaves room in disgust.]