Our own Jonny Diamond already did a bang-up job explaining why people who complain about hipsters are guilty of far worse crimes than any of the people they’re complaining about. So normally I would have let this Pop Matters article by Micheal Brett pass by without comment. But then I realized his argument was basically that hipsters are totally gay.
They’re not angry enough. In fact, they’re a bunch of wimps.
Got it. Hipsters are weak and ineffectual.
They would unite and resurrect the fashions and music of the ‘80s. Leotards. Neon sunglasses. Painters hats.
And they dress weird!
Shows I went to became reruns of You Can’t Do This On Television. Before I found some of their trend-hopping mildly amusing even. No longer. Not when I was faced with audiences half full of people clothed like the short-bus kid down the street.
Oh, ok, and they resemble people who are either physically or mentally handicapped.
First, buy a mirror. If you own a mirror, for the love of everything which is sacred, please dress at a volume a couple scoches below ‘70s Elton John. Someday you’re going to be an adult, no matter how hard your parents try to prevent it.
Hipsters look like a younger Elton John.
Third, eat something.
Omigod, and they’re waaaay too skinny!
Fourth, listen to some heavy metal. I suggest Motorhead, but hell, you’re in such bad need to get rocked even Motley Crue is acceptable. Listen to it until your ears throb. Then make it louder. If you’ve followed my third point, go and break something. Feel the catharsis!
You know, they could have learned a thing or two from Fred Durst.
So there you have it. Michael Brett has written the most blatantly homophobic take-down of hipster culture ever published in a halfway respectable outlet—and Pop Matters’ claim that he’s their new “satirist” doesn’t even come close to getting him, or them, off the hook.