The Hallowed Art of Diplomacy Is Very Complicated and Grown-Up

by |
07/23/2009 1:02 PM |

b7c4/1248365148-kim-jong-il.jpgSecretary of State Hillary Clinton is in Fuckit Thailand right now, engaged in some serious Talleyrand-level statecraft, restating the American position in regards to pressuring North Korea to abandon their nuclear weapons program and also stating that the North Koreans are kind of acting like little children hungry for attention.

Completely unlike attention-hungry children, the North Korean Foreign Ministry issued a huffy statement in response:

“We cannot but regard Mrs. Clinton as a funny lady as she likes to utter such rhetoric, unaware of the elementary etiquette in the international community… Sometimes she looks like a primary schoolgirl and sometimes a pensioner going shopping.”

The North Koreans also offered to upgrade her, show her how to use nice things with nice flavors.

BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS, this is the thing about North Korea, as furthered evidenced by this poorly set up, Babelfished schoolyard diss: we’re dealing with a completely shut-in country, which has as a result of its seclusion developed a really garbled approximation of how to play with the other kids. I’ve seen some of their movies — “cinematic Asperger’s” is how I would describe the aesthetic. This spat with Clinton is painful to watch, like the pale kid with big glasses and a too-large polo shirt getting teased by the sporty kids, and shooting back really obscure, forced insults that he doesn’t even get all the way through because they’re too wordy.