White House Race Conciliation Beer to Be Even More Awkward Today

07/30/2009 10:31 AM |

police, cop, sunglasses You already know about today’s bro-down chugfest at the White House with smart, irascible Skip Gates, smart, smooth-talking Barack Obama and not-as-smart, arresty Boston cop James Crowley. Obviously, it was already going to be a bit awkward, with Gates being all like, “That dude’s a racist,” and Crowley being like, “Naw dude, that dude called me a racist, which sucks,” and then Obama would be all like, “Hey, have you tried the Duvel?” to which the other two dudes would be all like, “THAT IS SO GEIGH DUDE!!” [Wow, I feel like I could write this kind of trialogue for ever and ever.]

Anyway, things are about to get even more awkward.

It looks like another Boston cop is not a friend to the blacks, and is now going to be suspended for it. Unlike Crowley, this guy’s an obviously racist idiot who should be just plain fired for sending the following line in an email to a bunch of other cops:

“(Gates’) first priority should be to get off the phone and comply with police, for if I was the officer he verbally assaulted like a… jungle monkey, I would have sprayed him in the face with OC deserving of his belligerent non-compliance.”

Yup, seriously. YOU’D THINK SKIP GATES WAS TRYING TO INTEGRATE BUSING IN BOSTON OR SOMETHING CRAZY LIKE THAT. At the very least this guy should be fired for stupidity. So here’s how today’s beer might go down, in light of this new development:

Crowley: “Dudes, Boston cops go through some pretty serious racial sensitivity training, so, like, yeah.”
Gates: “Yeah, well, dude, shit’s not working.”
Obama: “Anybody want a Doppel Bock while I’m up?”
Crowley and Gates: “DUDE, WHERE’S THE BUD LIGHT YOU PROMISED? YOU DRINK LIKE A GIRL.”

And that’s how Obama will unite our painful divisions.

4 Comment

  • you know, this would be so much funnier if it were not already public knowledge that it’s Obama who’s drinking the Bud Light and the other two who drink like girls.

  • It’s been reported that Crowley has requested a straw.

  • @alexa
    Yeah, i know. I confess this is my first attempt at Presidential conciliation-beer speculative fiction, and i took some liberties with the facts. Mea culpa. Now i’m going to go quietly drink a european beer.

  • can we have some speculative fiction on what happens when Jonny the Canadian has a beer with anonymous Paul and Michael Brett from IL? fun times I think…