Being Overweight Is Bad For You, and Other Revelatory Dispatches from the Far Side of Scientific Research

09/30/2009 5:02 PM |


After being totally vindicated, earlier today, in my belief that I am actually really, really awesome at choosing my shoes in the morning, my head started to hurt, which usually means that I am trying to have an idea. After a few hours it popped out and I started to wonder what other amazingly helpful tidbits have been discovered through painstaking research, conjecture and rigorous study. I decided to do a little research of my own. Turns out that…

Repeatedly bashing your giant steroid-ridden head into other giant steroid-ridden heads may cause memory problems later in life.

There are a lot of cows in the United States that fart, a lot.

When you die, your heart stops and you do not have a pulse any longer.

Obese middle-aged women are very unhealthy and prone to health problems.

Many people are skeptical of organizations that ask you for money and cover up for pederasty.

Your children will be less likely to do something wrong if you tell them that it is indeed wrong.

Beating your children will make them stupid.

So, what have we learned? Well, whatever it is, I’m sure someone will have to beat it out of me later.