Word spread this afternoon that Marilyn Manson has come down with a case of swine flu. No one cares about Marilyn Manson, of course—about his music or his well-being—but can you really expect any of us to pass on the opportunity to rock “Marilyn Manson Has Swine Flu” as a headline? No, you can’t. Especially not when he delivers the news like this, on his fucking MySpace blog:
“So I have officially been diagnosed, by a real doctor, with THE SWINE FLU. I know everyone will suggest that fucking a pig is how this disease was obtained. However, the doctor said, my past choices in women have, in ‘no way’ contributed to… me acquiring this mysterious sickness. Unfortunately, I am going to survive.”
I was just going to make a joke about that last part, but I guess if my line of work demanded that I keep up a depressed high school kid schtick even though I’m in my 40s, I’d probably want to die too.