After what seemed like a year of non-stop advertising, that new show (which is actually a reboot of an old show) Melrose Place is finally going to premier on The CW tonight. And it might not totally suck. Have you seen the posters on the subway with those foxy coeds dressed in revealing clothing and placed in compromising positions with equally suggestive tag lines like “Tuesday’s the New Hump Day” (raunchy!) or “Tuesdays Are A Bitch” (sassy!) or my personal favorite, “Ménage À Tues” (exotic and sexy!). I don’t know about you, but I think I could use a cold shower.
I just re-watched a bunch of the trailers on YouTube, and from what I can tell, this shit is going to be insane. For starters, based on the character descriptions on Wikipedia, I don’t know how an aspiring filmmaker, a med-student, a schoolteacher, a PR rep, and what appear to be three unemployed twenty-something’s can afford to pay the rent for some swanky L.A. apartment complex. Unless, that is, they resort to foul play (spoiler alert: someone gets murdered in the pilot!) and, I quote, “trading sexual favors for financial ones.” And if that wasn’t enough, guess who the landlord is…Sydney Andrews! “What?” you’re probably asking yourself, “But how can that be possible? She was killed off in episode 164 of the original Melrose Place.” Now I’m not one to jump to conclusions, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the new Melrose Place might involve the supernatural, or better yet, zombies.
But I digress. At this point I’m sure some of you are thinking that this show just sounds like a sad attempt at getting ratings by playing off the success of similar programs like Gossip Girl or 90210. And, sure, those three shows, plus countless others, are practically interchangeable. And, sure, modernizing a TV show from the 90’s shows absolutely zero creativity or respect for viewers who yearn for something fresh and exciting. But despite the repetition, we go with it—because it’s not supposed to make too much sense, but also because these shows force us to consider to what extent the absurdity on screen is a reflection of reality. And because Ashlee Simpson was always a lot hotter than anyone ever gave her credit for.