So Ok Here Is The L Magazine’s Take on Sammy Sosa Making His Skin Look White As the Risen Moon

by |
11/17/2009 12:35 PM |

GAA!
  • GAA!

Jesus H. Christ in a glass box on Wyckoff Street, who has breathed the breath of life into Madame Tussauds’ life-sized wax figure of Sammy Sosa.

Baseball, which was once berry berry good to Sosa, is now rather reluctant to be associated with him, on account of the steroids and everything, which we guess now gives the slugger of 609 major league home runs ample spare time in which to rub lightening cream on his face and frighten little children with his cadaverous visage.

The only explanation we can come up with for this behavior, aside from we guess the unfortunately pervasive ingrained feelings of inferiority held by some darkly-complected people, is that he thinks that the reason no team wants to sign him these days is because baseball has reinstituted the color barrier, and he hopes to pass as white, just like free-swinging African-American power hitters of old, like Babe Ruth.