The Worst Gift You’ve Ever Gotten?

11/25/2009 4:00 AM |

The worst gift we ever received was a desktop darts game… FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW. For the record, we have never liked darts, and at the time, we did not have a desk.

DEAN
Where I hailed him: Hell’s Kitchen
Where he hails from: New Jersey
Years as cabbie: 13
Previous profession: Always a driver
Probably clothes when I was a kid. It’s no fun to unwrap clothes on Christmas. I don’t remember anything specific. My best gift was when I was in seventh grade. A friend of mine let me hide in his sister’s closet so I could see her undress. She had huge tits, like this. [Cups hands about a foot in front of his chest.] Then she opened the door and found me, so I pushed her out of the way and ran out. We got in so much trouble, but it was worth it.

UDAYAN

Where I hailed him: Midtown
Where he hails from: India
Years as a cabbie: 4
Previous profession: Accountant
Last year my kids got me the Harry Potter books. They know I like to read when I have a chance, but I don’t know why they got me those. I think they wanted them for themselves; I don’t like fantasy books. [Did you ever read them?] I started the first one and didn’t care for it. But I don’t want to complain about my children getting me a present. Do you think they’re good books? [Millions of kids can’t be wrong, I guess.] I think they can be.

GEORGE
Where I hailed him: Penn Station
Where he hails from: Bayside, Queens
Years as cabbie: Less than a year
Previous profession: Telemarketing
Last year I got fired a week before Christmas. Does that count? It should. It’s like, “Merry Christmas, here’s your pink slip.” A bunch of other people got laid off, too. You know the worst part? One of the people who didn’t get fired told me that my old boss got a huge bonus last year. He didn’t know how much, but it would’ve been enough to keep at least a couple guys on through the year. That’s my worst gift. Thanks, you’ve put me into a shitty mood.

JOSEPH
Where I hailed him: Bushwick
Where he hails from: Ecuador
Years as cabbie: 15
Previous profession: Always a driver
The worst president? Obama? No, I like him. What? Oh, present? Oh, I’m too old for presents. Presents are for children. My children are teenagers now, and I can’t even give them presents. Better to give them money, fifty dollars, or a hundred dollars maybe and tell them to go to Macy’s. That way they buy their own coat. I don’t care so much to get presents, bad ones or otherwise. I am more afraid to give a bad present, so I give money, which everyone seems to like.