Actual War on Christians, By Satanists, in the Bronx

12/11/2009 11:33 AM |

Jesus vs. the Devil

Just in time for the official beginning of the Christmas drinking season comes this delightful story of Satanic arson in the Bronx. Yup, Satanists tried to burn down a church on Wednesday, starting a fire which required 100 firefighters to put out; you know, this really seems like a new, particularly explicit level of engagement in the millenia-long battle between Lucifer and Jebus. These practitioners of the Hellacious arts left messages like “Hail of Satan [sic],” “666,” a pentagram, and “We hate Jews and Christians.” Plucky parishioners are already hard at work trying to rebuild their beloved church (I’m just worried about any Nativity scenes that were harmed—I love Nativity scenes… getting the donkeys to ride the sheep, letting the black king be first in line…). When reached for comment, Satan said: “Plague and pestilence is all cool and everything, but sometimes the personal touch really does it for me. Also, Obama does work for me.”

5 Comment

  • Admittedly this is belated, but it is highly unlikely that the arsonist was an actual Satanist.

    1) Photos of the actual graffiti show a point-up pentagram, NOT a point-down pentagram. Hence the arsonist, though trying to look “Satanic,” was evidently quite ignorant of Satanic symbolism.

    2) The graffiti also included “Crip Kill,” suggesting that the arsonist was a member of a Bloods gang.

    3) In general, studies of the phenomenon of “Satanic” vandalism have shown that the culprits, in the vast majority of cases, do not have any serious religious motives but are just kids out to shock the grownups.

    More importantly, it should be noted that there are plenty of Satanists who do NOT endorse vandalism.

  • Perhaps…but even atheistic Satanists support a faith rooted and based in little more than death and ruin…and don’t forget, there are actual theistic Satanists whom sacrifice humans and animals to a being they believe existent, called Satan. I mean, you can deny it, but I’d rather trust the multiple news articles, so…


  • Celebrating christmas is equal to worshipping satan. It has nothing to do with christ. Its pagan derived. Adults li to their children and allow them to worship a false idol.

  • Scam news should be illegal especially when it has no factual basis.