Introducing The Maturity Index: Young NYC Women Try to Act Their Age

12/07/2009 4:24 PM |

The Maturity Index

Welcome to the first ever L Magazine Maturity Index, in which Paige Tibbetts and Holly McManus (average age, 23.5) analyze their weekend behavior and assign it an age number. Sometimes they are very mature and sometimes they are not. But the Maturity Index never lies… (The idea of the M.I. first appeared on their blog, Fabulously Dirt Poor.)

For this year’s holiday season, we decided to have a party. Instead of asking guests to wear ugly Christmas sweaters or swap egg nog recipes, we told people to come dressed as their favorite 90s icon. Because what screams, “We got holiday spirit!” more than teal spandex, glitter, and a Courtney Love ‘tude?

FRIDAY

We email back and forth at work all day, helping each other make difficult decisions:
-What to get our boyfriends for Hanukkah: Age 25
-What movie to go see: Age 30
-What costumes to wear for our party Saturday night: Age 15
-We meet to go shopping after work: Age 24
-At Forever 21: Age 13
-Where we try on glitter dresses that cost $15: Age 12
-We, for the second week in a row, go purchase “dinner” at Duane Reade: Age 14
-Sneak our dinner of Cherry Coke, Pirate Booty and Musketeer bars into a movie: Age 12
-Ogle all the nerdy hotties that work at The Angelika Theatre: Age 18
-The movie is The Private Lives of Pippa Lee: Age 35
-We only want to see it because Sarena from “Gossip Girl” is in it: Age 15

SATURDAY
-We wake up early-ish and make separate trips to Target and the liquor store: Age 27
-At the liquor store purchase three handles of $15 Alexi Vodka and one bottle of $4 Andre: Age 21
-At Target purchase 14 boxes Jell-O, Tootsie Pops, Tootsie Rolls, Bugles, Cheetos and Cold Syrup (for medicinal purposes FYI): Age18
-Meet at home and immediately start, with intense efficiency might we add, concocting (well over 100) Jell-O Shots: Age 19
-CRAFTS! We get our craft bucket (you heard us) out of the closet and sit on the floor and make “decorations” for our party: signs on construction paper with 90s catchphrases (“As if!” “Whatever!”) and pop-culture references (Oregon Trail, Lisa Frank, Monica Lewinski’s Stained Dress, OJ’s Glove): Age 10
-Make a 90s playlist that includes “classic” hits from Ace of Base, Crowded House, No Doubt and Len: Age 13
-Help each other put together costumes, Cher (from Clueless), Nancy Kerrigan (bandaged knee included) and Courtney Love: Age 17
-Holly to Paige: “Wow, it’s really easy for you to look trashy.”
Paige to Holly: “That skating costume is from the 4th Grade? You must have been a pretty hefty 4th grader.”: Age 15
-Start to get nervous that our party might be lame so we quell our fears with Jello-Shots and spiked Kook Aid: age 18
-Guests like Rayanne Graft from My So Called Life, Clarissa (Explains it All) and JonBenet Ramsey start to arrive: (no age number, those were just good costumes)
-Guest arrives bringing his Dutch couch-surfers. Dutch girls disgusted and confused after we’ve explained who JonBenet Ramsey is: (no age number, this was just awkward)
-Dance to 90s hits with strangers in our home (“These guys live in the building right? Right? Are you sure? Oh, so we don’t know who these people are, okay.): Age 20
-After five hours of Holly trying to make the “running man” work to the song “Don’t Dream It’s Over”, Paige starts to passive-aggressively clean the apartment and slowly turn the music down: Age 35
-Everyone falls asleep in their costumes of thigh-high socks, teal spandex, hair scrunchies, and glitter: Age 6

SUNDAY

-Nancy Kerrigan, JonBenet Ramsey, Cher Horowitz, Rayanne Graft and Courtney Love all go out for brunch: Age 30 (this also sounds like the beginning of a terrible joke)
-We all come home and lay in a girl pile on the couch and watch 40 Year Old Virgin on TBS eating leftover Tootsie Rolls and Jell-O shots (what a combo of interesting food textures!): Age 18
-No one moves for about five hours: Age 17
-Someone orders a pizza (pineapple and pepperoni): Age 15
-After spending the entire day on the couch, even watching Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew we finally go to bed after a successful weekend: Age 19

When all is said and done the average age we behaved as was 18.9 this weekend. We feel pretty comfortable with this, considering we were mature enough to host a bevy of guests at our house, but we still fed them Jell-O shots and wore body glitter.

Next weekend, we have company Holiday Parties AND we are going to decorate Christmas cookies.

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