Vodka Pill Reminds Us We Live in the Future

12/03/2009 2:29 PM |

Vodka Pills get you drunk

If ice-nine had been a seed crystal for any liquid other than water, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr’s Cold War weapons race parody wouldn’t have quite gotten his point across. If it had been a solidifying agent for, say, vodka, not only would his anthropological thesis likely have been denied (for a second time!), but he probably would’ve converted even more Hoosiers than his beloved Cat’s Cradle lays claim to today.

Why are we carrying on with this failed literary reference? Because a Russian scientist has developed a formula that turns vodka into a pill. Evgeny Moskalev, has made the first steps towards a literal cocktail of pills. His new technique works on liquids with up to 96% alcohol content, which includes whiskey, wine, cognac, and beer.

Look out, “dry” counties, which are probably prevalent in prime Hoosier countryside; “dry” vodka will be tricky to regulate. On the other hand, as The Times of India article likes to point out, it will be easy to monitor how much you’ve consumed. Right, especially since people never abuse pills that make them feel good.

We foresee some very confused college freshman that thinks he just crushed and snorted an Adderall to help cram for his English Lit exam. But, let’s be honest, who hasn’t wished that, just once, alcohol could go flowing up his nose to impress a co-ed, instead of out of it?