Get that head out of the oven! Loosen that noose! Remove that cold, metallic, but oddly satisfying gun barrel from your mouth! Despite the world sucking in pretty much every way I managed to find some good news. A Queens construction worker, originally from Ecuador, won the lottery and is flying over his eight grown children and his wife, for Christmas. Oh, and he hasn’t seen them in 15 years. Sure, it might get a little awkward, but I bet they’re all going to be really happy. And to top it all off, we don’t really have to worry about Florencio Guaman getting wickedly corrupted by his new-found riches, as his $1 million prize has been divided into annual $30,000 chunks.
Hooray for everything!