Enterprising young New York-based writer, actor and filmmaker Adam Bertocci has re-written the entire script of the Coen Brothers’ cult classic The Big Lebowski in Shakespearean verse and entitled the excellent mashup that resulted Two Gentlemen of Lebowski. An excerpt from my favorite part of the film as re-written by Bertocci:
Youth, thou art entering a world of pain.
We know this document is home-work thine,
And that thou stealest cars—
And monies too!
And monies, and this is thy home-work, boy.
Wherefore silence? What impudence is this?
Thou art killing thy father, Laurence! O!
This hath no end; he never will speak word.
I take thy parchment back, and turn to plans
Of secondary contingence. Look well.
Behold thy car, the corvette, crimson-stain’d,
And see what befalls sinners evermore.
[He raises his sword, and smites the car]
This befalleth when thou firk’st a stranger ‘twixt the buttocks, Laurence! Understand’st thou? Dost thou attend me? Seest thou what happens, Laurence? Seest thou what happens, Laurence? Seest thou what happens, Laurence, when thou firk’st a stranger ‘twixt the buttocks?!
This be what befalleth, Laurence! This be what befalleth, Laurence!