Your Unrepentantly B-list Weekend at the Movies

01/22/2010 8:58 AM |

Wait. No. Hold on...
  • Wait. No. Hold on…

The last few weekends may have been Januaryish, but come on: they had movie stars like Denzel Washington and Amy Adams and Michael Cera, and some genre movies that turned out to be better than necessary. Stuff like that could’ve easily surfaced in the spring or the fall. This weekend, though, despite the presence of former genuine movie star Harrison Ford, feels a little more classically Januarytastic.

Legion: Now that’s what I call January! A Screen Gems release about an angel invasion, complete with gun-toting seraphs: Yes, please. The delightful B-list cast includes Paul Bettany playing the only fallen angel willing to stick up for miserable goddamned (literally!) humanity, plus Charles S. Dutton and Dennis Quaid. There are probably SAG by-laws stipulating that at least one of them had to appear in this movie, but Legion spoils us with both. No word on who they got to play God. I semi-secretly delight when movies like Legion are the only movies here and I can just pretend that this qualifies as some kind of event movie instead of an also-ran budget version of same. I probably won’t read the prequel comics or play the online game or dress up as my favorite character from the Legion trailer on Friday night, but I will certainly talk about doing that stuff and get unduly excited about watching angel armageddon unfold.

Extraordinary Measures: Yes, this movie, not Legion, is the one that stars Harrison Ford, and besides looking like a TV movie (more on that in a sec), it also feels vaguely early-nineties for some reason, possibly just because it looks like a less classy Lorenzo’s Oil (also, remember when Nick Nolte equaled classy?! Weird!). This new 2010 movie about disease-fighting parents is coming from a new studio called CBS films, as in that CBS, the CBS where moms presumably watch NCIS and a Half Men and The Mentalist: Miami [The Mentalist is awesome. If smug was pimples, Simon Baker would be the "Before" half of a Clearasil ad. (Instead of like the "After" half of a Hair Club for Men ad I guess.) -Ed] I’m not sure what possessed CBS to get into the filmmaking business, as their network makes money off of habit and indifference, neither of which are much help in getting people out to the movie theaters, especially in January. These is the demo that can get reruns of CBS shows into the Nielsen top ten; they’re obviously not big into seeking out alternatives. The remaining audience: adventure-film enthusiasts ready for the crushing disappointment of Indiana Jones and the guy from the Mummy movies not visiting any haunted ancient ruins at all. Although: have they checked there? Maybe they hold the key to a cure!

The Tooth Fairy: True story: my sister is going to see this movie in the theaters just to get fifteen minutes or however much screentime they allot for Stephen Merchant (or as he would be referred to in a forties comic book, Stephen Merchant, Ricky Gervais’s Pal). I wish her the best of luck. Also, Julie Andrews is in this. I think it’s worth mentioning that she’s just as big a paycheck whore as any number of less distinguished actors. She pretty much only does awful family movies. For shame, Mary Poppins.

3 Comment

  • She pretty much only does awful family movies. For shame, Mary Poppins.

    Have you never seen 10, S.O.B., or Victor/Victoria?

  • My statement was written in the present tense. The most recent of those Blake Edwards movies is a spry 28 years old. I mean, she did that Hitchcock movie forty years ago, while we’re at it. I have no beef with her career through the mid-eighties. The fact that she did Victor/Victoria, etc., well after her movie-star prime makes it weirder that she only does chintzy kid movies now.

  • It was an average movie..