GOP Finds Perfect Man for 2012: The Plastic Scott Brown

02/02/2010 11:44 AM |

Scott Brown is the new hotness

Finally. It’s only been, like, a month, since Americans came to know and love Senator Scott Brown (R—Hunktown), and we’ve had to go this WHOLE EXCRUCIATING TIME without a hard plastic simulucra of the new senator to bend and pose and poke with needles recite the Pledge of Allegiance with.

So I thank the clockmaker God of Franklin and Jefferson that went ahead and molded a tiny penis-less Scott Brown for all of us to play with. Or wait! One of the three versions is “anatomically correct,” which means there is a tiny, plastic Scott Brown penis we can play with. YAY! So, for only $35 you can purchase either the “Everyman Action Figure” (jeans and a t-shirt, for brush clearing!), the “2012 Executive” (presidential suit, for stopping health care reform!), and the penised version, “Cosmo Man” (with fig leaf, for sexing).