Illinois Lt. Gov Candidate Drops Out of Race to Spend More Time with His Biceps

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02/08/2010 10:27 AM |


Here endeth the Lieutenant Governor campaign of checkered Illinois Democrat Scott Lee Cohen—accused of domestic abuse, sexual assault and unpaid child support, and an admitted ‘roid rager, who announced his withdrawal from the race during the Super Bowl halftime show.

In his few short hours in the political limelight, however, Cohen introduced us to a wonderful new explanation, presumably explaining away all his violent erratic behavior of a few years prior: “I was trying to put muscle on.” It’s a wonderful excuse, and we would be remiss to let it die out with this poor meathead’s candidacy. I’m sure you’ll find it applicable in your day-to-day life.