Calling your mother every Friday and avoiding bacon-infused cocktails is no longer enough—WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO IMPROVE ISRAEL’S INTERNATIONAL IMAGE LATELY? Well, now’s your chance, as the Israeli Ministry of Information and Diaspora Affairs (which has long been my band name of choice) is calling on all Jews to improve Israel’s mean old military image, and is providing the support documents to help you do so.
- Not a very good Jew.
But it’s not just about trying to justify asymmetrical war or economic apartheid (although, good luck with that), the Israeli government is apparently concerned that the world perceives it as a rough, primitive desert country, with little sophistication or luxury—to wit, the new PR website features three satirical videos with international reporters covering, respectively, transit by camel, fireworks as explosions, and outdoor picnic grilling as “primitive.” So, once you’ve had a chuckle, it’s up you—member of international Jewry—to spread the word about how nice Israel really is. As the Times writes:
[The Ministry] began issuing Hebrew pamphlets to passengers on Israeli airlines and offering coaching courses to groups heading abroad. The message: “Are you fed up with the way we are portrayed around the world? You can change the picture.”
So yeah, you can change the picture. Just remember, as the Ministry of Information reminds us, Israel invented the cherry tomato, so make sure to bring that up next time you’re at a dinner party (but don’t bring up these guys, or else this jerk will think you’re an anti-Semite).