I love cheese. I love putting things down my pants. But I have never put cheese down my pants.
This fact is one of many that separates me from Robert Preston Ferguson, a California man who is facing a life sentence after stuffing a four-dollar bag of shredded cheese down his pants and attempting to flee. Citing California’s crazy-ass three strikes policy, Yolo County prosecutor
Sheriff of Nottingham Clinton Parish is asking that Ferguson, who’s led a lifetime of petty crime, be put away for the rest of his natural life. Public defenders have rightly called this a little harsh, claiming that Ferguson suffers from mental illness.
But c’mon, how else are those adorable little private prison corporations gonna make a buck?