Man Who Put Cheese Down His Pants Faces Life Sentence

02/10/2010 1:41 PM |

cheese thief

I love cheese. I love putting things down my pants. But I have never put cheese down my pants.

This fact is one of many that separates me from Robert Preston Ferguson, a California man who is facing a life sentence after stuffing a four-dollar bag of shredded cheese down his pants and attempting to flee. Citing California’s crazy-ass three strikes policy, Yolo County prosecutor Sheriff of Nottingham Clinton Parish is asking that Ferguson, who’s led a lifetime of petty crime, be put away for the rest of his natural life. Public defenders have rightly called this a little harsh, claiming that Ferguson suffers from mental illness.

But c’mon, how else are those adorable little private prison corporations gonna make a buck?

3 Comment

  • First they came for those with cheese down their pants, and I did not speak out, because I did not have cheese down my pants.

  • You know, Tom Waits likes to put fish down his pants, and everyone gives him a break:

  • What? Has everyone suddenly gone stoopid?

    EVEN if the man is tossed into prison for 15 years, for a womans’ wallet and $4 bucks of cheese, that is a cost to US taxpayers of 15 x $40,000 per year! Total cost of “punishing” him is $600,000+ USD. My gawd, just how much money was in the womans’ wallet??? With inflation, I bet the final cost of his imprisonment goes into the millions USD … I, as a taxpayer can’t afford it–have the rich foot the bill!

    How about a year of counseling? Sounds to me the man has some mental problems or was impoverished and hungry.

    I mean, to be clear, is this the best our public servants (judges/lawyers/etc.) can come up with? If so, I am NOT going to be able to afford their bad judgement! Well, wait; I already could not afford their previous bad judgement(s!)