American Idol Recap: Oh, Hey America, Fuck You, You Are So Stupid

03/11/2010 10:00 PM |


Spoiler alert for those of you on the west coast, I guess?

To think, things were just starting to make sense. The judges seemed to be hearing pretty much the exact same things you were hearing, and last week, America managed to send home the four people who most deserved it. Things were looking good. People appeared to be nowhere near as dumb as you’d decided they were so long ago.

And now this.

I will admit that elimination could have gone any number of ways for the men. It was obvious that Todrick had to go, of course, and he did, so, yeah, great job on that, everyone. But it wasn’t clear who would be joining him: It could have been Aaron, could have been Casey, hell, after his abysmal version of “Genie in a Bottle,” it even could have been Andrew Garcia. But it never, ever should have been Alex Lambert—he of the mullet and the super-smooth, remarkably unique voice, the one who was just fucked up enough that you actually could have seen him making a pretty good record one day, the one who wanted it so bad they had to bleep him when he wasn’t voted off after week one. I knew this would happen eventually, but in a million years I didn’t think it would be this soon, and it’s incredibly depressing.

Not nearly as depressing, mind you, as how things played out for the women tonight. Because you know who’s still there? Katie Fucking Stevens and Paige Fucking Miles are still there. Katelyn Epperly went home, probably about a week or two earlier than she should have, but it’s nothing to get too worked up about. As opposed to, say, Lily Scott going home, which is very much something to worked up about. Aside from the obnoxiously fawned-over Crystal Bowersox, she was the only woman who was even remotely interesting, and really, the only one who I thought had any real shot at winning. Her voice was huge and effortless, and she was one of the most assured performers the show has ever seen. If you ask me, she was actually everything the boneheaded judges keep insisting Bowersox is. And yet we’ll have to bear another week of the utterly characterless Katie Stevens and Paige Miles mindlessly flubbing their way through their horribly chosen cheeseball pop songs.

So, if you’re just looking for the bold-faced names of the contestants who went home, here you go: Todrick Hall, Alex Lambert, Katelyn Epperly and Lily Scott.

You blew it, America.

7 Comment

  • I hope you yourself voted for at least one of the contestants voted off so shockingly early. Because you know what they say: “If you don’t vote, you have no right to complain.” Especially if you end your recap with “You blew it, America.” (I don’t care about “American Idol” myself, so I’m feeling no particular frustration over this.)

  • Amen to America getting it wrong, I am in shock over Lily and Alex going home. I did vote for both of them, but obviously I didn’t vote enough. This sucks!!!!!

  • Alex Lambert- my stomach hurts over this travesty. I cannot wait until someone picks him up to make an album- they would be fools not to.

  • Completely agree with you… I’m not actually a fan of any of the girls myself, but Alex Lambert was one of the best guys that the show had going for it. This was the first season in a long time that I’ve actually watched American Idol, and I was hoping that America would be able to prove me wrong in thinking that it has bad taste in music, but I was supremely dissappointed. Oh yeah, and with the list of terrible guys, you forgot to add Tim Urban who, by the way, was with Paige Miles on that Vote for the Worst website this week.

  • Right-o.

    And for the first commenter, I stopped believing in fairytales like “votes matter” back in Season 6. I never vote anymore. If you don’t think AI is at least partially controlled by the producers, you’re naive.

  • Taylor Swift’s gunna walk away with it. I totally hear your frustration. She wins everything.

  • alex lambert…off…totally worst and weakest Idol show…ever