Maturity Index: SnoWeekend

03/01/2010 2:46 PM |


This weekend we finally got our asses off the couch, turned off Lifetime, put down our candy (albiet momentarily) and embraced Father Winter. Yet ANOTHER snowfall blanketed Brooklyn Thursday and Friday night so we finally took the opportunity to invent sledding devices and venture into the great outdoors (Fort Greene Park). We also drank tons of wine and snuck into movies— now lets turn to our uber-scientific Maturity Index and see how we fared.

-We go to our jobs and find out that we both get snow-related half days, competitive texting ensues as to who likes their job better- Age 20

-Holly gets bibimbop in Korea town to celebrate her half holiday- Age 25

-Paige buys a new camera to document the sledding adventure- Age 35

-We buy the following SnoWeekend supplies: ingredients for homemade hummus (Age 40), one large bottle of $12 “Tall Poppy” merlot (Age 22) one large bottle of Goldschlager (Age 19), one large bottle of Sambuca (Age 55), Dumplings aka “DUMPS” and organic edamame (Age 24), Sparkling Shiraz (Age 30)

-Return to Brooklyn to “pop bottles”, make hummus and dumps- Age 24

-Drink 6 bottles of wine with our roommates – Age 20

-Paige is overserved and crawls into the kitchen where she tried to “take a quick catnap” on the ground while Holly takes pictures of her- Age 18

-Everyone girlpiles and holds hands while we express gratitude for our friendships. (We are emotional-drunk) – Age 16

-Kristy wakes up the house at 6:30am, is scolded and sent back to her room – Age 6

-We all take shots of Goldschlager… with our eggs and bacon… at 9am – Age 19

-After drinking 2 bottles of Andre, mixed with healthy orange juice, we decide to do shots of Sambuca, but only after we cleanse our shot glasses with champagne, that Holly spills on purpose because non-accidental champagne spillage “is luxurious”- Age 23

-We blast Ke$ha on our 90s-era speakers (which were a gift from the boys upstairs) while we all try to figure out what clothing we have that is “sledding appropriate.” – Age 15

-Holly wears: tights under jeans, four pairs of socks (all unmatched) a t-shirt and a flannel under her red puffy jacket she got in the little boys section of target. Paige wears: leggings, one thigh-high sock on one leg, and one normal sock on the other (because she couldn’t find the pairs), pleather leggings (for waterproofing), jeans and a raincoat. – Age 12

-Sarah, our beloved buddy and only guest (though we invited almost everyone we know) arrives, gives us another excuse to drink Sambuca- Age 20

-We gather our sleds: laundry basket, cookie sheet, and 3 large Tupperware containers and start the 12-block trek – Age 11

-But first we stop at the hardware store to purchase duct tape for the holes in Paige’s rain boots – Age 13

-We arrive at the park, our sleds do not work. Not one. But we refuse to give up – Age 14

-We borrow an inflatable turtle from Australians – Age 13

-We play with their dog, “Nancy”, we all kiss Nancy’s mouth – Age 8

-After trying to sled for a solid 10 minutes we decide to give up andl sit in a tribal-circle in the snow. Stories about circus jobs are told, we pass the Sambuca cleverly disguised as Pelligrino – Age 24

-And make a snowman – Age 8

-Pour Sambuca into snowballs… ‘BucaSnowCones!- Age 21

-We make dirty jokes about the snowman, Chaz, because we know he won’t care – Age 12

-We carry our “sleds” home, talking about how excited we are to sit on the couch. Everyone gets even more excited that our guest, Sarah hasn’t seen all of the televised pregnancies we have. “We have SO MUCH to catch you up on!” – Age 22

-We order Thai, partly so we can see our Thai delivery man, who is like a Father to us – Age 16

-We get ready to go out. Changing clothes, drying hair and applying brozer, all while watching Forest Gump and talking about how great the soundtrack is – Age 24

-We head out to different parties and gather back at home at 3am to finish our Thai take-out and share tales of our evenings – Age 25

-We make a rule that no one is to wake up anyone until at 8:30am – Age 40

-Miraculously, no one wakes up anyone earlier than 8:30am- Age 25

-Girlpile and Sarah teaches us how to use “SlyDial” (a service that lets you call someone’s voicemail directly, without their phone ringing, GENIUS). “SlyDial” is used to figure out the name of a gentlemen that one of our roommates made out with, but who’s name she cannot remember- Age 19

-No can agree on the last name of young man, we “SlyDial” 6 times- Age 15

-All roommates start the Journey to the Court Street Theater where a much needed Movie Marathon will take place- Age 24

-Stop at yuppie grocery store where we immediately locate a sample platter of chips and guacamole, which we finish- Age 16

-Movie “Snacks” include: a bag of clementines, a bag of soy chips, a bag of apple chips, and raspberry-apple cider- Age 56 (we gave ourself extra points for this because, normally we’d buy a milk carton of Whoppers and 30 yards of Twizzlers)

-We purchase children’s tickets to the rated R Shutter Island – Age 12

-Holly swoons loudly and frequently when The O.C.‘s Ryan Attwood appears on a saucy preview – Age 15

Shutter Island is awesome and we all have an out-of-character hyper-intellectual debate about psychology afterwards- Age 40

-We refill the refillable popcorn and “sneak” into Nicholas Sparks’ Dear John – Age 16

-We squeal when scenes scenes filmed on our college campus appear, “Oh my god I totally made out on that bench!!!” – Age 14

-“Dear John” was not awesome, and the only thing we debated afterwards was how uncomfortable the sex scene made us – Age 40

-We all come home and girlpile, eat weird dinners and stare nauseously at the mostly-gone Sambuca and Godschlager bottles – Age 24

-Bedtime, but sleeping is hard because were still a little freaked out by the bald woman who does the “shhh”-face at Leo in Shutter Island, c’mon you saw the previews, that shit was scary- Age 10

This past weekend our average age was 20.9. Meh. We thought buying dehydrated apples and being uncomfortable during a poorly-filmed sex scene would make us pretty old. However, our Father Winter-inspired, childish activities trump Father Time, turning back the clock with snowmen and Sambuca. Next weekend, the Oscars, and you know how we feel about award shows… were busting out our prom dresses.