I wouldn’t hold it against you if, after last week’s absolutely disastrous results show, you decided that you didn’t care enough about this season of American Idol to keep watching. With Lily Scott and Alex Lambert sent packing long before their time, we’ve already been given ample evidence that Americans still hate anything that doesn’t immediately make sense to them. Did Lily belong in a coffee shop like Bowersox? Or was she a Duffy-style “throwback” like Didi? Was Alex a Made-for-Disney teen-pop star in the making like Tim Urban? Or did he have laid-back troubadour potential like Andrew Garcia? They both existed in a grey area, and it worked against them more—and faster—than even I thought it would. Depressing, for sure.
But they can’t just go ahead and crown Crystal the winner without at least letting everyone sing a few more times, so the show must go on. The Top 12 kicks off tonight, and they’re singing, god help us, songs by the Rolling Stones. I can’t even begin to guess who will do what, but I’m gonna go ahead and predict Bowersox will do a scratchy, acoustic reading of “Satisfaction,” while Mike Lynche does a big, soulful “Wild Horses.” Rumor has it Siobhan Magnus is doing “Paint It Black,” which could actually be very good. Unfortunately, it probably won’t matter. She used to have super weird hair, after all.