- This is a clever visual pun.
[Ed. note, there may be more puns in this post than you are prepared to stomach.]
You are cordially invited to:
Sarah Shanfield’s Oscar Celebration
A star-studded night of celebrities’ expressionless eyebrows and communal appreciation of James Cameron’s assholery. Please arrive at 6pm for cocktail hour where Anna Hendrick Martinis (straight up with olives, Brad Pitts removed) will be served at the bar. An hors’devours platter of mini Mo’niquiches and Jeff Ridges potato chips and dip will be passed around by women who were featured in the Vanity Fair Hollywood issue. (Please remember to only talk about who you are wearing. Dinner will be served, menu below.)
-Christoph Matzo Ball Soup paired with Invictoast and Fantastic Mr. Lox
-Matt Danon yogurt (fruit on the bottom)
Entrée (please choose one)
-A Single Manicotti served on a warm bed of Princess and the Frog Legs. Comes with a Blind Side of District Naan
-Stanley FetTuccini made with Fresh-ious Vera Fontiga cheese
-Sandra Hamhocks glazed with Up In the Airheads reduction and soaked in Christopher Plum-sauce
Sidibaked Beans infused with dried Kathryn Figelows
-Avatarts topped with blueberry Maggie Jellynhall and Carrie Mulliganberry preserves
-Helemon Mirrengue pie a la Mo’nique
-Green Taranteano ice cream in a Coen
I would like to thank all of the ingredients that have helped me prepare this meal, especially Betty Hurt Crocker syrup for sweetening the beans when they were tough. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.
***Guests should be advised that seats left unattended while guest is in the powder room will be filled for continuity purposes.