How to Mix a Fucking Mint Julep

by |
04/30/2010 5:07 PM |

Decadent and depraved.
  • Decadent and depraved.

Tomorrow, Saturday, May 1st, is the first Saturday in May. Kentucky Derby day. So put on a ludicrous hat, and get wasted on a genteel, sugary cocktail. (Here’s how you mix one.)

The horses in the field for tomorrow’s race, in order of predicted finish as judged solely on how awesome each horse’s name is:

Win. Backtalk (18, 22-1)
Place. Dublin (17, 20-1)
Show. Ice Box (2, 10-1)
4. Super Saver (4, 7-1)
5. Conveyance (12, 24-1)
6. Homebodykris (19, 26-1)
7. Awesome Act (16, 13-1)
8. Mission Impazible (14, 23-1)
9. Paddy O’Prado (10, 12-1)
10. Jackson Bend (13, 21-1)
11. Lookin’ at Lucky (1, 8-1)
12. Devil May Care (11, 10-1)
13. Line of David (5, 15-1)
14. Make Music for Me (9, 24-1)
15. Discreetly Mine (15, 42-1)
16. Sidney’s Candy (20, 11-1)
17. Noble’s Promise (3, 21-1)
18. Stately Victor (6, 15-1)
19. Dean’s Kitten (8, 17-1)
20. American Lion (7, 26-1)

We promise this information will make you so rich.

And please, support your local OTB. In this economic climate, when even the fucking bookies are going bankrupt, we’re all our neighbors’ keeper.

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