Open Letter to Werner Herzog: Please Make a Film About James Cameron Crusading in the Amazon

04/12/2010 2:23 PM |

james cameron in the Amazon
  • Dances With His Ego

Dear Werner Herzog,

I don’t know if you seen it yet, but I just read this New York Times article about James Cameron—a popular Canadian film director who makes multimillion dollar movie parables for concerned tweens—traveling to the Amazon to advocate on behalf of an indigenous tribe facing devastation from a proposed dam.

You see, the scenario here—in which corporate interests trump the value of the natural world—is similar to Mr. Cameron’s latest edutainment movie show, The Avatars. And while I think Mr. Cameron is generally a big bag of hot wind, I have to admire him for following through on the ideas in his art.

And this is where you come in.

I think it would be really cool if you followed Mr. Cameron around with a camera, filming all of his earnest efforts to save the world’s indigenous tribes from a globalized system of profit-driven expansion. Your movie—let’s call it James and the Giant Monoculture—would include marvelous dramatic moments like this:

Seconds later a poisonous green snake fell out of a tree, just feet from where Mr. Cameron’s wife sat on a log. Screams rang out. Villagers scattered. The snake was killed. Then indigenous leaders set off on a dance of appreciation, ending at the boat that took Mr. Cameron away.

And then there would be slightly silly moments, like this, and you’d let the camera do all the talking, in your inimitable way:

Mr. Cameron danced haltingly, shaking a spear, a chief’s feathery yellow and white headdress atop his head.

Seriously, I think this whole thing would be right up your alley… Think of the funny voice-overs you could do in that fake German accent of yours!

Cameron, hiss be-denim’ed paunch bounzing along behint ze tribal elderz, daubed blue paint on hiss faze, as if to say, ‘I am you, and you are me.’

If that doesn’t convince you, please just look at this slideshow of Mr. Cameron’s visit. Magical.

Yours truly,

Jonny