Literally translated, “Cinco de Mayo” means “Drinking Holiday”. It’s the Mexican answer to St. Patrick’s Day, which Mexicans began to celebrate when racist Irish immigrants forbade them to partake in the city’s Marchtime alcoholic festivities. “We’ll just get drunk in May then,” those Mexicans said. (Christians agree not to celebrate drinking holidays in April, in honor of Easter, which sometimes happens then.)
Today, we don’t have racism anymore because Obama won, so we can all celebrate the year’s copious drinking holidays. Suggestions after the jump. (Thanks to Robert Tumas for the
+ Dos Equis, the most authentic Mexican beer after lime-flavored Corona Lite, is hosting a “fiesta” (Spanish for “party”) at The Water Taxi “Beach” at the South Street “Seaport” from 4 p.m. until 3 a.m. Start acting like you feel sick today so when you call out tomorrow it won’t seem suspicious. Or, it ends at 10 p.m., depending on which side of the website you trust, in which case, just go to work in the morning. Dos Equis drafts are $3, as are margaritas. “Quesadillas & Burritos” (those are Mexican foods) are $2.
+ There’s a “Pourhouse” in Bay Ridge, not to be confused with the one in the East Village, not to be confused with “The Village Pourhouse Upperwest,” which is where a Cinco de Mayo Pub Crawl begins (982 Amsterdam Ave.). Register between noon and seven, and make your way through Abbey Pub, Underground Lounge, O’Connell’s and Sip, before passing out at the Lion’s Den. Drink specials at all of them!
Brooklyn (or, in Spanish, “Manhattanito”):
+ Papacitos—that sounds credibly Hispanic!—starts the DJs at noon, with “Hot Caliente Music” from 8pm-11pm, and more DJs thereafter. Free tequila shots every hour! $1 Tecates till 10pm! Hot chicks! Dancing skeletons (apparently)! 999 Manhattan Ave., Brooklyn
+ Bar Celona (OMG, get it?) has pitchers of Margaritas! And beer specials! Barcelona (the city, not the Brooklyn bar) is in Spain, not Mexico, but presumably all Spanish-speaking establishments sound legit to drunken white guys (and girls!) looking for cheap booze. Also, Spain owned Mexico back in dinosaur times. 104 S. 4th Street, Brooklyn
+ Secret Robot Project, the irritatingly cryptic, non-profit “Art Experiment,” is throwing a “Wrestling Party” tonight (presumably because Mexican Wrestlers are funny in an ironic sort of way, as opposed to a this kind of way), which will involve Margaritas and Presidentes. Yo quiero! We also heard rumors of a guacamole contest. Excellente! (Our Spanish is getting good!) 8 p.m., Williamsburg, cryptic directions at their website.
Personally, I’ve had a margarita in the following two restaurants (and only those two, except maybe once at an Outback Steakhouse while on a road trip as a teenager), so I can stand by them:
There are several of these in Brooklyn, from Atlantic Avenue to Bath Beach. Of course, I’ve only been to the Bay Ridge one, because I never leave Bay Ridge. 7508 3rd Avenue, Brooklyn
That’s not true: once I went to Staten Island, which is like Bay Ridge’s suburbs. A friend drove me. 63 Lafayette Avenue, Staten Island.
If, like me, you’re working til 10 p.m. tonight, and another twelve hours tomorrow, which makes late-night drinking impractical, and anyway you don’t make enough money to buy a margarita, and you’re too sick to drink Corona, you can celebrate Cinco de Mayo again at the end of the week, at the Upper West Side’s Cinco de Mayo parade. It’s on Sunday, from noon to three, on Central Park West, from West 110th to West 72nd Streets. Presumably, drinking along the route is verboten.
Did you know that Bay Ridge hosts its own St. Patrick’s Day one or two weeks after the official one? Because alcoholism is pervasive in that Arab-Irish enclave.