End Times Alert: Ash Cloud Returns to Taunt Europe as Its Economy Crumbles

05/17/2010 9:33 AM |

end times
  • Today, in Europe.

Bad times for Europeville. Like, seriously. Not only is the ash cloud back wreaking havoc on England (which is a part of Europe) but the whole continent is poised on the edge of economic catastrophe, as many prominent burghers (that’s European for “businessmen”) are pulling their money out of, well, money, and putting into gold, which is what Glenn Beck would want.

You know, between the ash cloud and the oil spill, I feel like we’ve entered a new era of perpetual chaos and ruination, as kids born today will never know a time before the Gulf of Mexico was a dark, unctuous sludge of ooze, a time when the sun actually shone on Trafalgar Square. Poor wee nippers.