Science has finally confirmed that mice eat bread crumbs and sometimes poop, and that if you put mice poop in your mouth, you might get sick. Thanks, Science! “Researchers” at the Royal Society of Chemistry (obviously a meth lab front) revealed that computer keyboards are an afterhours haven for vermin, who gather to dance and sing and give praise for the crumbs left over from your lunch. This creates a health hazard, confirmed by a recent sample of swipes from London desks that revealed traces of E. coli, coliforms and enterobacteria. Of course, this could also be because the filthy English NEVER FUCKING WASH.
In unrelated news, I’m eating an entire Coq au Vin balanced on two iPads, some sacher torte, and a jar of brined fava beans.