Fun with Oblivious Bad Writers

by |
06/24/2010 1:33 PM |

Christ, can you imagine this freak dropping a manuscript off at your office?
  • Christ, can you imagine this freak dropping a manuscript off at your office?

When submitting a work of fiction to an editor or agent, one is submitting a deeply intimate, hard-won achievement—a completed work of art—to potential rejection, or worse; one does this because of one’s faith in the literary enterprise, which is the life’s blood of the very people who hold the work’s fate in their hands.

And yet, in spite of all this, there are some submissions that are so astonishingly misconceived that one has literally no choice but to fwd them to all one’s coworkers with a pithy can-you-believe-this-shit introduction. So we’re very amused by SlushPile Hell, in which an anonymous literary agent posts excerpts of oblivious pitches from bad writers. Such as…

“My 318,000 word novel may seem like it starts a little slow, but after the first 100 pages or so it really picks up steam, so I hope you will be patient and not be distracted.”

And:

“I hope all is well with your business, nowadays. Indeed, books & media are an economic past-time today so I expect you are taking advantage of that angle of the biz.”

And:

“I want an agent who’s confident to get me a 7 figure book deal or high 6 figure deal, not some bull crap deal.”

And so on and so on. Man, times like this I’m so glad that every single person who’s ever submitted to Literary Upstart has been polite and self-aware enough to briefly introduce themselves and their submission with minimal flourish, and to thank us for reading.

3 Comment

  • Funny, funny stuff. And actually is pretty helpful to me as a writer to look out for these groaners in my queries.

  • This is fantastic! The nerve and ego of some people…

    Michele
    SouthernCityMysteries

  • LOL , alcohol usually will help with courage, but rarely with intelligence LOL all I could think is they must have been under the influence