- Look! A crime in process! Away!
Growing up in Maine I used to enjoy reading the regional rag‘s police blotter, mostly to see if anyone I knew had lately been arrested for being a minor in possession of alcohol, but also for the occasional constabulary-notes-from-all-over-type hick humor (apparently elderly women living on their own have a very hard time distinguishing between the sound made by a burglar and the sound made by a raccoon) (perhaps because they’ve never in point of fact actually ever heard a burglar) (which still doesn’t explain why they would think a burglar was going through their trash barrel). And so I’ve long appreciated appreciated the relish with which the Brooklyn Paper‘s minor league baseball correspondent Gersh Kuntzman handles the blotter for this borough’s local sheet, week in and week out—though I’m still not entirely sure if it’s as funny as the consensus seems to be, given that it invariably consists of new ways to describe how the resident of a populous residential neighborhood had recently been beaten about the head and relieved of a vital mobile device and a couple hundred dollars in cash (why are you people always carrying so much cash?).
But here, at last, is a local police blotter story we can all get behind:
A scooter-riding couple are the heroes of the week in Carroll Gardens after witnessing the theft of a cellphone and then chasing down the perps on their motorized cycle on Aug. 10.
The victim of the theft told cops that she was walking her dog while chatting on her cellphone near the corner of Hoyt and Degraw streets at around 8:30 pm.
That’s when her attention was diverted to the mound of feces that had just been produced by her dog, whose breed was not provided by cops. As she bent to do her civic duty, a teenager rushed over and grabbed the phone from her hand.
But the thug and his accomplice didn’t get far before the Vespa-riding man and woman went on the offensive, chasing the perps towards Union Street.
That’s where the woman jumped off the scooter, grabbed the phone out of the 13-year-old’s hands and hopped back onto the two-wheeler.
Cops later arrested the teen, and his 16-year-old thug pal, in a canvass of the area.
Oh, that poor 13-year-old kid, he just wanted to make it through his gang initiation test and rob a white lady, and just as he’s thinking about how to tell the story without mentioning the dog shit…
Calls to the NYPD requesting further information on the breed of the dog have not been returned as of this writing. We’ll update this story as necessary.