Condoms to Come in Packages with Picture of Pope on Them Any Day Now

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11/24/2010 2:28 PM |

Over the weekend, Pope Benedict XVI, the Free Cone Day Pope, broke with centuries of Catholic jokes church doctrine to say that, in certain circumstances, the use of condoms could be permissible to prevent the state of AIDS—like, for gay hookers. (It’d be “a first step in the direction of a moralization, a first assumption of responsibility,” presumably the responsibility to not be such a gay hooker all the time.)

The Holy See now seems to confirm that it’s coming around on condoms, at least to prevent the spread of HIV: “Pope Benedict XVI clearly acknowledged on Tuesday that the need to prevent diseases like AIDS could outweigh the church’s long opposition to the use of condoms,” and not just for rent boys, either. So, Catholics can maybe use condoms to prevent STDs, now. But still, not as a contraceptive—reached for comment, a Vatican spokesman assured us that yes, every sperm is still sacred.