If the Federal government even thinks there are too many geese living in Prospect Park, they’ll come in and gas them all. Don’t believe them? They’ve done it before and they’ll do it again! They’ll kill every fucking goose on the planet if they have to! In an effort to stop them, the Daily News reports that city agencies and conservation groups are teaming up to find alternative solutions.
And what they’ve come up with so far is terrible.
First, they plan to prevent eggs from hatching by coating them in oil. (This is one of the measures the News reporter calls “less brutal”.) Second, they want to ticket people for feeding the birds. (What could be more un-American than a grandpa on a park bench tossing bread crumbs to a few fowl?) Third, border collies will be used to chase geese and break up their flocks. (“It’s just harassment,” one bleeding heart goose supporter told the paper.) Fourth, they plan to plant shrubs and tall grasses along the edge of the lake to make it unappealing to geese.
Won’t it be lovely to walk into Prospect Park and find no geese, no one interacting with the wildlife, an invisible lake, and a dog keeping everything (and everyone!?) in order?
They should just turn the park into an airport finally, since nothing is more important than plane travel.