Prospect Park’s Final Solution: Kill the Goose Babies, Ticket the Humans

11/18/2010 2:54 PM |

Im sorry, it was an accident! Dont gas me!
  • I’m sorry, it was an accident! Don’t gas me!

If the Federal government even thinks there are too many geese living in Prospect Park, they’ll come in and gas them all. Don’t believe them? They’ve done it before and they’ll do it again! They’ll kill every fucking goose on the planet if they have to! In an effort to stop them, the Daily News reports that city agencies and conservation groups are teaming up to find alternative solutions.

And what they’ve come up with so far is terrible.

First, they plan to prevent eggs from hatching by coating them in oil. (This is one of the measures the News reporter calls “less brutal”.) Second, they want to ticket people for feeding the birds. (What could be more un-American than a grandpa on a park bench tossing bread crumbs to a few fowl?) Third, border collies will be used to chase geese and break up their flocks. (“It’s just harassment,” one bleeding heart goose supporter told the paper.) Fourth, they plan to plant shrubs and tall grasses along the edge of the lake to make it unappealing to geese.

Won’t it be lovely to walk into Prospect Park and find no geese, no one interacting with the wildlife, an invisible lake, and a dog keeping everything (and everyone!?) in order?

They should just turn the park into an airport finally, since nothing is more important than plane travel.

3 Comment

  • THANK YOU, L Magazine for telling it like it IS.

    Yes, it is all about the airlines. Almost 1700 geese were trucked to JFK airport this past summer and gassed there.

    Plans are already in place to open up more airline pathways and fly planes lower over parks and other areas of the city.

    Problem is, birds get in the way of that.

    So, birds BE GONE!

    Instead of birds in the skies, there will soon be nothing but planes.

    As for those people who protest the X-Ray machines or pat downs at the airports, watch out.

    They may be warming up those gas chambers for humans.

  • I cannot understand the logic of flying planes lower. Aside from the insanity of the bird killings and the bogus attempts to terrorize people into hating birds to justify a mass slaughter because “they’re gonna kill ya when they smash into your airplane”, the entire public ought to be up in arms over this low-flying plane crap. If there is anything that goes wrong with any of those planes, flying them lower means they are much more likely to crash in a neighborhood, and there is far less time and altitude for the pilot to react to avoid such a crash. The noise will be awful, and you don’t even want to think what could happen if there should be a terrorist or other nutjob onboard that isn’t weeded out at the airport X-ray area. It is fascinating to me that when we find a terrorist on a plane – a sick creep with a BOMB who fully intended to blow up an entire plane full of people, we don’t give this monster the death penalty, but we have somehow accepted an irrational jihad against beautiful, natural, innocent birds that inspired us to fly in the first place, and think nothing of slaughtering entire flocks of them. That’s simply wrong.

    As for killing birds to prevent airstrikes, that’s just a moneymaker for the USDA – they will do nothing but kill birds endlessly while you keep footing the bills like a bunch of schmucks. A smarter solution is bird-detecting radar and migration mapping and the minor rerouting of aircraft to avoid bird patterns. If bird-strikes are really the problem they are made out to be – and the fact is, they are a problem of property damage (to the planes), NOT of loss of life – the only answer is in technology. Europe does this with much success so I don’t understand why we do NOT. Oh wait, I forgot. The money.

  • Thank you, Henry Stewart. Excellent piece. All so true and I’m in agreement. Thank you, L Magazine!