Hey ho, let’s go … enjoy a big plate of spaghetti. Yes, it’s Marky Ramone’s very own brand of delicious pasta sauce, the perfect gift for the foodie punk rocker on your wish list. This is so weird I actually kind of think it’s cool. I mean, if the man had released, like, a Marky Ramone brand leather jacket or something, I would probably think it was pretty lame. But who the hell doesn’t like pasta? And the Ramones? It’s such a domestic product that I find it oddly charming, like if Glenn Danzig had released a line of non-stick cookware or Ian MacKaye started a taffy shop in Kennebunkport. The only problem is that you have to order it cases of 12 bottles, meaning you better really like either the Ramones or spaghetti. I assume Anthony Bourdain already has a case or two.
The next product came to my attention courtesy of the talented people over at Grub Street. It appears that Kraken spiced rum is finally being sold in bottles with 3D labels, which I assume will cost more than a regular bottle and give me a headache. I do have to admit it sounds fun to drunkenly swig from the bottle while wearing 3D glasses and screaming “Release the Kraken!” over and over again until everybody hates me.
Next up, laser-engraved meat, because why the fuck not? Note: This gift is only appropriate for Kanye West, who will die if he doesn’t consume at least 16 oz. of Louis Vuitton-branded meat products every day.