Much to the dismay of my grandmother, who stays up late to watch Late Night with Jimmy Fallon because she thinks he’s cute, Hodgy Beats and Tyler the Creator (he’s the one who just signed to XL) of hip-hop collective Odd Future performed a re-worked version of “Sandwitches” last night. It was, as you might’ve heard by now, something else. You know — with the masks, and the zombie, and the gnome, and the frightened pretty lady in the chair — making the 19-year-old in a Hawaiian shirt seem particularly scary. It was awesome, but it also made me a little sad for all the less abrasive acts that have graced late-night television time and time again. In a nod to the wimps, here are six of the least scary performances over the last few years:
Conan mentioning Sweden in the intro is a pretty good tip-off that Peter Bjorn & John aren’t exactly going for the offensive angle, and Victoria Bergsman can’t bear to look into the camera even once. Plus, you know: whistling.
You remember, from the Grammys? That upright bass wasn’t scary then, not scary here.
Zooey’s trying with that yelp and her growl face, but you know the wife of Ben Gibbard is never going to be able to pull off spooky.
I mean, he’s wearing a necklace and practically whispering. And too good looking. Seriously, so good looking!
Sitting down automatically excludes you from being scary, as does naming your band in French and making that face at the 1:47 mark. Also, I think the guy on the left is 12.
Bonus: The Grandfathers of Inoffensive White-Man Rock
“Hey, Paul, do you think we should put a little more bite in to this one?” “No, but we should probably sit closer together.”