Park Slope’s Vendetta Against J.P. Morgan Chase

02/01/2011 8:58 AM |

This Chase in Park Slope has NOT been robbed yet
  • This Chase in Park Slope has NOT been robbed yet

I started questioning my Chase account when Rev. Billy publicized the bank’s role in funding mountain destruction. But it took doing away with Free Checking for those without notable savings or direct deposit (pity the underpaid freelancer) to make me officially hate them. So, I read with some schadenfreude that someone has been holding up all the Chases in my neighborhood, Park Slope.

Over the weekend, a man entered the Chase branch on Seventh Avenue and Carroll Street, handing over a note demanding money. Unfortunately, he left with none. Several days before that, a masked man tried to rob the Chase on Fifth Avenue and 14th Street, although he too apparently did not make off with any loot.

Whether the two are connected is unknown. “It just so happens that its two banks are within Park Slope,” a police source told the Park Slope Patch.

I feel compassion for the bank employees, for whom an attempted robbery must be terrifying and potentially scarring. But I hate their employer even more. To the Park Slope Chase Robber: there’s one on Ninth Street and Fifth Avenue, FYI, and another on the corner of Degraw and Fifth. [We are not seriously advocating bank robbery--Legal Dept.]